I'm SO BUZZED!! - But Not Like That

This weekend was wild, readers. A roller coaster of emotions and excitement, and these days, that's how I catch a buzz. Feeling emotions! What a concept, right?

The summer between 8th and 9th grade was the first time I intentionally drank, and I got seriously fucked up. I made a margarita, and let's face it, no 13-year-old knows how to make a margarita. Not to mention, I made it in a 32-oz cup. Needless to say, I ended up sick as a dog in my bathroom, just lying in the tub, throwing up in the adjacent toilet, and praying for it to stop - and that I would feel better by the time my parents got home. My mom got home, knocked on the door, and asked me what was wrong. I told her I didn't know, to which she replied, "You better not know". I think she knew and probably figured I had learned my lesson, but I didn't.

Needless to say, that was the beginning of my career of getting buzzed. I spent the next 30 years chasing an artificial buzz. It didn't matter if I was happy, sad, celebrating, or indifferent; I just didn't know any different. I think I just got used to not feeling, and anytime I felt "something," I wanted to drown it. Especially because when I was not buzzin', my inner critic and voice were very loud and kind of a bitch.

In November of 2020, my pancreas sent me to the emergency room, and that was the end of my artificial buzz career. I'll be honest, I was completely devastated. When the doctor told me that to avoid any future ER visits that "all I had to do was quit drinking," I started bawling. She made it sound so easy. Like it was just a button I could push and it would all go away. But it wasn't easy. My mom was just diagnosed with cancer, it was fucking Covid, and this was a lifetime habit. It was more than a habit; it was a lifestyle.

For context, I should tell you what kind of drinker I was because I don't know about you, but when I think of an "alcoholic", I think of a homeless guy passed out in a back alley with a brown bag bottle in his hand.

You guys, I was FUN and I was GOOD at drinking. I have countless stories of clubs, concerts, parties, vacations, nights out, happy hours, and even just hanging out in the backyard with my husband laughing, joking, dancing, and keeping the party going ALL NIGHT.

I never got into fights, started drama, sent regrettable texts, or got into my car and drove. I always had an incredible career, worked hard, had a nice car, owned a nice house, held my friends' hair when they were yacking, you know, responsible.

Don't get me wrong, there were a few times where I may have been asked to leave an establishment, rolled my ankles walking like a baby deer in heels or not let back into an establishment after going outside to smoke a cigarette because the bouncer thought I had had enough. There were times my friends had to hold my hair or put me to bed, but for the most part, I had fun. Despite the weekend-long hangovers, canceled plans, and rapidly aging body, fun.

There is a LOT more to this story that I'll share in the future, but I want to circle back to how I began this post. How I catch a buzz these days...

This weekend, I got an opportunity to co-facilitate a grief support group and threw a community event at The Zen Den of Gilbert for the BOOKS.

You might be thinking, "ummm, how is co-facilitating a grief support group like a buzz?" Well, in the last few years of not drinking, I've discovered my purpose, and it's to help other women get through their shit. I've been through a LOT of shit and have done a LOT of work - not only on myself but also learning, gaining certifications, coaching, leading women's circles, spending as much time with women, and getting everything I can get my hands on to gain knowledge to help other women live a life that they don't have to escape from and look forward to getting up for. Because if anyone knows, it's me, that especially as we approach midlife, that's not always the case.

The community event was an adrenaline-filled, exciting, beautiful culmination of women coming together for self-care, community, and finding their "people". My mind is blown by everyone who came from cities all around Gilbert to just be in the company of each other, learn more about what we offer at the studio, and explore ways to foster their self-care. They are MY people.

I also wrote my first blog post this weekend, and FOUR people read it!! Oka,y two of them were my husband and I, but STILL! I can't tell you how that feels, you guys. We're just getting started here.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't completely exhausted today. I have SO MUCH follow-up to do post-party, my phone is blowing up with post-event chatter, my social media is buzzing from posts and tags, my email is flooding with new inquiries, and I wouldn't have it ANY other way.

My message is this - if you are looking for a new buzz, maybe the old ones have run their course, or maybe you've just never found what lights you up - consider spending some time with me. A private reiki, mindfulness, or coaching session just might be the spark you need to find your buzz, your purpose, or get through some shit - together.

Here's the link to my appointments if you're ready to jump in - Book now

Or if you're still like, "I'm not quite sure about her yet." That's okay too, keep coming back to read my stuff, maybe come take a group class with me, or follow me on social media.

Thank you for being here - xoxo - Darien